Monday, March 20, 2006

Let's get personal!

Well, i wasn't planning on making a post this week due to school, but i feel that my readers (though few in number :( ) will find this quite interesting. Now i'm going to try my best to keep this away from any sort of "myspace" or "xanga" type entries, full of emotional drama. This past week, my girlfriend, whom i've been with for around two years, broke things off. Why you ask? Simply put, because i'm not a Christian.

Let's go over some quick background information. Our relationship has always been a very positive one, on both sides, no moments of infidelity or anything whatsoever. She had told me many times that i was "the one" and that God "destined us to be together" (in a purely religious sense, typical of many relationships). She was a moderately religious christian ( as in, she would go to church on sundays but also go against the Bible in NUMEROUS ways) , and she knew that my ideas generally followed along the lines of Agnosticism/Atheism.

Our ideas clashed sometimes, but nothing serious enough to cause any damage (for example, she was against gay marriage on the bounds of "It's not natural/right" and "well, what would it lead to? People marrying bears?"...hell, i think that would be sweet), or so i thought. We never fought over religion, and rarely even discussed it. Though it shames me to say, for her, i pretended to be a christian around her family at times(who are hardcore fundamentalists, no doubt. They told me to read the Bible alongside my Philosophy text...i wonder why) and also attended church with her on occasion. I did this to please her, while hoping she would soon come to her senses and follow reason and science.

Clearly, i was wrong. To my amusement, she stated to me that she had been through a religious "calling" from Jesus (this is gonna be good!). She told me that she didn't think she could be with, or raise a family with someone who wasn't sure of the existence of God. Yes, you heard that right, she didn't want me to be UNSURE of a God, she wanted me to be, apparently, as intellectually advanced as her and know the truth to existence. She wants someone who is ASSURED of the existence and nature of God. Also, she wanted someone who could "grow" with her "in Christ" (whatever the fuck that means). In addition, she thought that my beliefs in reason and truth would have a deleterious effect on our children, whom she wanted to raise in the church( cause it builds morals, right?). Also, we know that Atheists/Agnostics can't raise children right(just like homosexuals ?, not quite.)? So, as you can imagine, she decided for us to stop seeing each other.

Am i angry? No, i'm actually rather pleased that i uncovered her ignorance so early. Though, i am somewhat sad to see such a positive ( in many respects) relationship go to waste. I think to myself, what could i have done to prevent this? Well, i concluded, there's not much you can do when your in one on one combat with "God". Once people are past a certain point psychologically (beholding "miracles",having religious "callings" and making improper associations between these things and ordinary events in life), there is absolutely nothing you can do. Should i hold my tongue and profess to her that i'm (or want to be) a christian to possibly save the relationship? Absolutely not, it's crucial that freethinkers stand by truth and do not falter (which is difficult to do in our world, as i well know). We know what happens when reasonable men do nothing...a religion is born!


At 10:11 AM, Blogger d said...

Man, I am sorry to hear about that. It's sad people can believe that no "good" exists outside a certain religion, thereby automatically excluding millions of people across the globe from being "good".

As far as being in a "one on one battle with God" (a lose-lose proposition if I ever heard of one!)...a very interesting editorial in the NYT put it this way: the lesson of that if God exists, then everything, including
blowing up thousands of innocent bystanders, is permitted — at least to those who claim to act directly on behalf of God, since,
clearly, a direct link to God justifies the violation of any merely human constraints and considerations. In short, fundamentalists
have become no different than the "godless" Stalinist Communists, to whom everything was permitted since they perceived
themselves as direct instruments of their divinity, the Historical Necessity of Progress Toward Communism.

At 9:03 PM, Blogger Delta said...

You're definitely better off and when you look back at this in the future when you and your atheist wife and kids are in the backyard grilling bibles you'll laugh and be horrified as to how close your life came to being completely different. Perhaps a "wow, I almost died" kind of feeling, you know?

At 3:55 PM, Blogger Askinstoo said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 1:48 PM, Blogger Bruce said...

Dude, I know it hurts now, but I agree with Delta, you are better off in the long run. Do you honestly think that you could really respect someone who thinks they have an actual relationship with Jesus? Personally, I would always think of such a person as just a little less rational than myself and that would ultimately lead to an unequal relationship. But maybe that is just me? You are a better person then I if you can overcome that obstacle.

Don't give up hope, there are plenty of freethinkers of the opposite sex out there. But isn't Oklahoma out there in the Bible belt? If you want to increase your odds, come on out to the West Coast. My home town (Portland) is one of the most non-religous cities in the US.

At 7:21 AM, Blogger Alan said...

I am glad that you seem aware already that this is for the best.

I have to admit that I continued to go to church occasionally in my teens even after I was no longer a believer just for access to the 'easy' Xtian girls: For lack of a better term, the Sluts For Jesus.

The one thing I would caution is that, in the future, you do not pretend or moderate your view for the sake of friends or lovers. I have learned that being completely and openly who you really are will attract the very people you are looking for - whereas, pretending will attract the loons.

One last note, you may want to turn on the confirmation for posting to prevent spam posts.

Enjoying your blog so far, Alan.

At 11:06 AM, Blogger Fair Enough said...

Yeah, it's certainly for the better. Today i received a message from her, and i quote, "My life has changed more, I've made a decision that my top priority is God and that changes my whole life". Major LOL. So....yeah, there's nothing i can do. She has done a complete 360 personality change.

Alan, you are certainly right and i emphasize with you, when i was younger (and still somewhat today haha), my goal was to turn "christian girls, bad". To make them do things they would regret spiritually, later. Don't worry, it was all concentual haha, and it worked 9/10. I agree that it's also essential that i keep to my views, it's immensely difficult at times, but necessary.

It's most comforting to know that instead of her potentially being with some physical, material male...she would rather spend her time humping her Bible and some imaginary friend.

Bruce, this is certainly the Bible Belt and it's horrid. I'll have to make my way to Portland :)
Thanks for the support guys, much appreciated!

At 7:56 PM, Blogger Shaun said...

I can sympathize. I've had relationships with much trouble over religion. I dated an über fundie last year for several months. That was very interesting. You seem to already realize it, but I concur with the other commenters about you being better off. Had it lasted longer, more trouble would have eventually arisen.

On another note, I quite like your blog to this point.

At 3:01 AM, Blogger Fair Enough said...

Well, to continue ONCE AGAIN with the current situation. I had a 2-3 hour talk with her tonight about the earlier quote. Wow....she has almost literally become a nun. She spoke as if she was a preacher, talking of "oneness with God", giving all her heart to God, etc. She told me that she hasn't been "herself" or her "true self with God" the past, say 5 years (because of her drinking, attitude, morals, sexual activities). I am simply astounded, she loved doing these things, it defined her as a person, but now.... she believes it's immoral to do any of the above and that it was NOT her true "Godly" form , enjoying existence is a no no.

Honestly, i don't want to dive any deeper into it. There's much more crazy shit that she told me, which i'd like to share, but it will only breed anger and despair. She is certainly having an identity crisis at my expense. It's mind-blowing, i detect no deceit in her, nor does anyone else. She has truly become a mindless servant of the church.
Thanks again for the support!

At 8:34 AM, Blogger LBBP said...

Congratulations on a clean break! FYI, I found my way here via Delta's site. You definitely made the right choice. I found a really sick example of a couple "put together by God" and posted about it a while back. If you would like something to put your own situation in perspective, check it out.

At 8:51 PM, Blogger Mookie said...

My ex was kinda mormon. We got into some arguments about religion. She pointed out some mormon missionaries spreading the word of god, and I turned away in disgust, saying, "Karl Marx said religion is the opiate of the masses; those guys are drug dealers." She was not amused.

And yes, it is good to be open and forthright about your views when dealing with people, even family and friends. Unless, of course, they are violent xians and have the "Atheist Killer" gun - complete with silver bullets - mounted on the wall. "Tookie", as we discuessed, recently told her family she was an atheist. Somehow this made her Jewish in their eyes (still can't figure that one out), but her mother will finally stop nagging her about going to church.

After tell people, I wish I could explain to them what an atheist is and how we can have a moral system without the threat of hell and the reward of heaven. I imagine much of the resentment would subside, provided they bothered to listen.


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